A Bit of A Downer

I have a lot on my mind tonight and I'm having a hard time organizing it which annoys me to no end. Sometimes I think about starting a secret blog, that no one that I know can read. That way I could just put everything out there, but I don't think I could juggle two blogs, I can barely handle one. I enjoy being closer to being an adult, but things get harder and more important the older you are, however being able to order off the drink menu is a nice perk. Decisions are getting so much heavier and things that seemed far off seem awfully close now and I don't feel ready to make them. The mantras that I've rattled off for years to myself and others whenever opposition arose in any form suddenly seem dusty and naive, too optimistic, like old books of romance sitting next to new books of hard cold facts, outdated and outgrown. This blog sounds sooo pessimistic but I promise you I have not abandoned my optimistic outlook! Really life is going awfully well for me at the moment. I just can't help but look to the horizon every once in awhile and see obstacles growing closer and clearer, like they're outlined against a sunset. Too dark a contrast to not be real.