The Future is Scary

I was a big crank yesterday, I was not a fun person. Happy optimistic Char went temporarily into hiding because cynical cranky Char had her at the top of her shit list and knew just where to find her. 

I have set my life up so that I have a Plan B. That's the responsible thing to do. Plan A is to move to Indy/Chicago soon after graduation and find somewhere downtown in the heart of the city to use my history degree and thrive on the energy and people. I get to go to cutesy cafes, indie flea markets, and fill my brain up with as much culture as humanly possible. I wish I could explain how much I love the city. Any city. I just live for the moments that I get to spend in the hustle and bustle of a bubbling metropolis. Those are the moments that I love most of all, they are the memories that shine to me like gold lost in 20+ years worth of file cabinets full of manilla memories. 

Plan B is to be a history teacher. This is a super safe plan. I would probably stay somewhat close to home. I love home. My hometown is perfect for me, and Plan A involves my town but not until after I have kids. Plan B puts me in a safe environment with a job I know I can find around here. 

I wish I didn't have a Plan B. When I look at the scary parts of Plan A (moving to a city by myself, making new friends, finding a job) Plan B looks too enticing... I don't want to throw away what could be a lifetime of gold memories because I'm scared.