Open Letter to Freshmen Girls

Dear Freshmen Girls:

All summer we dread meeting you. You are the holders of the "freshman body". Your lithe figures have yet to experience the slight yet noticeable layer of flub that accumulates somewhere between freshman year and sophomore. As we meet you we rate you and worry about our beaus glancing about and noticing what we're noticing. Eventually this passes, your tittering giggles and annoying naivete eventually gets to us and we begin to feel more self assured. But then finals come. And we hate you again. You and your 100 level classes. You run to Hacienda in the middle of the week and decorate your doors with Christmas trees while we barely have time to shower and slave over 30 page articles. We walk past you canoodling with your boyfriends in door ways and hear you talking with them on the phone, "no you hang up first!" while we struggle to find one day a week to spend together with ours. Our only solace is that in less than a year you will join our ranks. And we will welcome you with open arms and join together to fight against the next wave of  "first-years". 

Sincerely, 

Your Upperclassmen